sketch

"Sketch is a maximalist wonderland where every corner is designed to leave an impression. It features eclectic decor, including wacky staircases and much-discussed bathroom pods. The venue houses The Lecture Room and Library, a Three MICHELIN Star restaurant known for its opulent decor and multi-dish culinary approach." - Andrew Young

"The Verdict: Heinous—and that’s just the egg-shaped toilets. Sketch is one of the most famous restaurants in London by virtue of its toilets, which sums up everything you need to know about this substandard Mayfair restaurant. Its starred upstairs dining room is OK but The Gallery room is the one most people flock to for herd mentality reasons. The food is experimental in a rummage-through-the-fridge-at-3am type of way and, typically, charges you an arm and a leg for the displeasure. As far as waste-of-time dining experiences in London go, this is the worst." - sinead cranna, rianne shlebak, jake missing, heidi lauth beasley

"Price: £225 Despite looking like Willy Wonka’s 18+ playpen, the upstairs at Sketch isn’t bad. Lots has been said about this multi-restaurant Mayfair spot, not all of it good, but here the kookiness is just right. For example, a server will carefully and wordlessly portion and serve a cracker using a fork and spoon. It’s silly, especially in a room that looks like a melted pack of Smarties. Food-wise, it’s OK. There’s some good experimentation in the French dishes, and then there’s some Champagne poured straight from the bottle into your sauce. But you can’t say it’s lacking personality." - jake missing, sinead cranna

"Less a restaurant and more an experiment in vanity, Sketch invented the Instagram restaurant before Instagram invented itself. Much of The Gallery in this townhouse—from the art-lined walls, to the lurid velvet furniture—is designed to be pictured and pouted at. Go on. Do it. Because if there’s one thing Sketch’s popularity has proven, it’s that we really do eat with our eyes. Delicious rose gold lamps. Heavenly multi-coloured lights. Fantastic quirky crockery. Anything, as long as it isn’t from the French-inspired menu. The food at Sketch is like that weird kid at school. Not the one who was quiet, kooky, and warmed up with attention. But the one who moulded cityscapes out of their bogies, before forcing them in your mouth and taking all your money. Food isn’t really what Sketch is famous for, though. The most famous thing about this restaurant is its toilets. Which is like having a puppy that makes everyone depressed. That said, these egg-shaped portaloos are well-known for good reason. For the selfies, and also for London’s most memorably expensive on-the-bog Twitter scrolls. But eventually you’ll have to leave this whitewashed, Diptyque-scented room. And that means you’ll have to go back to your food. video credit: Jake Missing photo credit: Jake Missing Anyone who comes here shouldn’t be shocked by their meal. Not by the random sugar tuile and icing sugar on their porcini tart, or by the magnificent tower of undercooked onion rings. This is a superficial restaurant, so it’s no surprise the food doesn’t stand up. Yes it’s aesthetically pleasing. Or at the very least, different. But look a little closer, chew a little longer, be upsold a little higher, and you’ll realise that there’s nothing attractive about an overpriced and inedible meal. Food Rundown The menu at The Gallery may change, but here's an example of dishes we've previously had. Chef Don’s Porcini Tart Don’t do it. Just don’t. A tart in the sweetest meaning of the word. We’re not sure what icing sugar is doing on top. Nor the perfect (but completely unwelcome) sugar tuile. Weird, at best. Soufflé With Colman’s Mustard Although edible, this soufflé on soggy leeks has a sad personality. It smells of heat lamp and abandonment. As for the English mustard sauce, well, there’s plenty of it. Plenty of skin on it too. Black Celeriac Tagliatelle With Squid Ink And Toast Shocking. The kind of thing you see in a Japanese horror film that’s recorded on videotape. Imagine a baby squid having a green foam bubble bath. That’s what this looks like. Sketch Beef Tartare More of a cheese tartare then a steak one. The little chunks of cheddar completely overpower what could have been a nice tartare. There looks to be chunky cut beef and tuna, not that you can taste any of it. Oh, and it comes with a shot of bloody mary. Lobster Fricassée With Sweetcorn Velouté And Popcorn Sweet like chocolate, but unfortunately it doesn’t bring us so much joy. The lobster is nicely cooked but the combination of sweetcorn velouté and popcorn would have Willy Wonka wincing. Venison With Grapes, Redcurrant Jelly, And Sweet Potato Croquettes With Almonds Again, what is going on here? Venison saddle: classic, nicely cooked. Grapes: makes sense. Redcurrant jelly: sweet, but alright. Sweet potato croquettes: really sweet, and stodgy. Almonds: what? Imagine Judi Dench in a M. Night Shyamalan film. It just doesn’t make any sense does it? That’s this plate of food. Millefeuille Sod’s law, isn’t it. You go an entire meal eating sweet-tasting savoury food and then you get a dessert that’s got a very bitter red wine Blossom Hill-esque sorbet on the side. No thank you. Panna Cotta With Ice Cream And Marshmallow Tooth-achingly sweet but really quite lovely. This tastes like a great big sweet shop medley. It’s got sherbet, softness, and is thankfully sweet in all the right places. Sketch Chocolate This is a rich and perfectly decent parfait-like dessert. Especially if you’re into very chocolate-y chocolate." - Jake Missing

"Had Willy Wonka ever chosen to organise an orgy, it would’ve been in The Lecture Room And Library at Sketch. The upstairs dining room of this kaleidoscopic influencer’s sanctuary in Mayfair looks to have been furnished by a team of Oompa-Loompas high on Smarties. It’s brash, it’s silly, it’s easy to hate. And yet, in the world of £200+ tasting menus, it’s OK. At the very least, this experimental French fine dining restaurant is entertaining and edible. Yes, a man will divide a single cracker three ways with a spoon and yes, the Champagne isn’t cooked in the chicken’s sauce. But at least Sketch’s upstairs has personality. The staff are charmingly attentive without being overbearing and the table is more cushioned than our mattress at home. Anniversaries are celebrated around the room and selfies are taken below the pink velvet chandelier. In this place, most memories are made to be online. video credit: Jake Missing video credit: Jake Missing That said, tourists hauling Liberty bags, celebratory couples, and faintly odd solo businessmen all seem happy enough. There’s little to dislike about the moreish langoustine dim sum. And the turbot in chicken jus is excellent on the first bite. Whether everyone else notices that it begins to taste like Heinz tomato soup remains to be seen. Everything in this tasting menu strives to be a little kooky and with that comes things that, quite simply, just do not work. Given the downstairs of Sketch is one of the trashiest places you can eat in London, our expectations for this restaurant were fairly subterranean. But it’s not awful. It isn’t worth over £200 either. If Sketch was a person, we certainly wouldn’t want to be friends. We wouldn’t even want to see them more than once. But we would remember them with a kind distorted fondness. Which is better than not being remembered at all, isn’t it? Food Rundown photo credit: Jake Missing Three-Course Tasting Menu Unlike some fine dining establishments, you get to make some choices at Sketch. Each course—starter, from the sea, from the land, and dessert—has a few options. And each one comes with a series of things on the side. Langoustine five-ways oscillates between gorgeously decadent (between potato crystalline with lard), to tasty (the dim sum), to quite odd (poached in bouillon). This theme runs throughout the entire meal. Turbot is excellent, but its broth does not improve with age. The addition of Champagne straight from the bottle to the chicken is unwelcome, but then, on the other hand, the corn ice cream is a delicious success. Swings and roundabouts is what this restaurant is all about." - Jake Missing