Magnus H.
Yelp
When you call yourself a coffee house, decent coffee to be the minimum, and I don't need much more. What I got was... nowhere near that.
I rarely venture to this part of town when I'm in London, but I had to stop by the Norwegian embassy for Reasons, and my favourite haunts all opened much later than I arrived and were half an hour's walk away. So, I Yelped it up to try to find somewhere.
Looking at Tomtom, I figured "Coffee House", good... Eggs Benedict looks really nice from the photos too! I wasn't planning on having breakfast there, but maybe I will!
Eggs Benedict was NOT in the cards, however, as the price tag on that was £9, which is more than I expect to pay for coffee, a large bowl of soup AND sweets. Maybe I'm spoiled in Edinburgh, but I'm pretty sure Monmouth and the rest in Soho are nowhere near this expensive. I guess when the whole area is pretty barren but full of embassies and the like, and you open fairly early, you can get away with it?
The Flat White was £3.20, which is a good 50p too expensive for even a decent one, but with everywhere else a while away and myself tired and hungry for coffee after the bus ride down, I figured I'd go for it.
The staff just looked incredibly bored and annoyed, which can't have been helped by the fact that it's almost impossible not to be in their way when you're waiting for service at the bar. I don't mind unfriendly staff if the coffee's good, though...
So, the coffee... Uhm. Right. The microfoam was stained dark brown with the crema of the coffee, and it tasted like rust. The coffee itself was grossly overheated (though I can tolerate a somewhat overwarm Flat White as I know how frustrating it is for a coffee shop to keep having people returning the drinks for being "too cold" despite being the exact right temperature for the type of drink) slightly watery and bitter like a soap opera star who's been written out of their show without even a satisfying death scene. In fairness, as I got further down it (it was possible to finish, and I was paying £3.20 for it, after all...) there were hints at some actual, quality coffee beans underlying the experience. It's possible I had a bad coffee, or that the particular barista who served me was the weak link here, but the result was the same. Your mileage may wary, as this is not a case like Starbucks or Costa, where the beans are completely over-roasted to begin with.
So, unsatisfied and having resolved to walk over to Notes, I went to pay my £3.20. Except I didn't pay £3.20. They automatically add a 10% service charge. At a café. I suppose it makes sense considering the quality of the service. I certainly wouldn't have left behind a penny extra if I was given the choice. In the end, I paid £3.52 for the privilege, and that's all the money Tomtom "Coffee House" will ever see out of me.