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For no man or woman, they say, time WAITS
But come to KC, if allowed by FATES
And get the world's best BBQ on your PLATES
From Arthur Bryant's, Woodyard, and here at GATES
So good you'll want to take it our on DATES
So good it'll make your period LATES
It's what Famous Dave thinks of when he MASTURBATES
So good, it's bad, sexy BBQ at GATES
WHAT
Not to be confused with Gapes BBQ which I think is the name of one of Barbie's movies.
KC has the ultimate combo of perfection in sauce and meat. It leaves Carolina in it's dust. It makes you wonder why STL is even on the map (if it still is, I haven't checked). It eclipses Memphis by a mile (or rather, 3,000 miles to Graceland). It elevates itself over the Deep South (like the Union did), and yes it even beats Texas (as Oklahoma often does) - by some distance.
If you bait your friend into coming with you, it's Baits BBQ.
The #1 BBQ in KC out of many many many very good options is the legend. Arthur Bryant's. Gates is definitely top 5 though, and top 5 in a City with at least 50 amazing BBQ options (and at least 250 less perfect ones) is a very notable achievement. It's also cheaper than most. I visit Gates every time I'm in KC and Barbi adores it too.
If you visit with Ms Bosworth, Ms Abdo, or Ms Beckinsale, it's Kate's BBQ.
Kansas City BBQ is the greatest BBQ in the world - this coming from someone that lives in Texas and is in a relationship with a Texan and loves BBQ in Texas (and Carolina, and Chicago, and Memphis, and you name it). None of those other regions, cities or states can come close.
If you get with someone here, it's Mate's BBQ.
Gates is one of the stereotypical and prototypical great BBQ joints of Kansas City, and there are about 10 locations that I know of all around town. They are fairly cheap and absolutely delicious, although portion sizes are not great (unlike Arthur Bryant's and many others, you won't be in a BBQ coma from these portions, maybe that's a good thing).
If you come with someone that despises BBQ, it's Hates BBQ.
You can't really get much better than the taste of Gates, and even though it's not my number one in KC, there are about 50 to choose from, and it does happen to make the top five of all the places I've tried, and that is a massive compliment in a city with as much great BBQ as Kansas City.
If you can't find any 9s or 10s to hit on in KC, it's Eight's BBQ.
Service is sometimes good and sometimes not so friendly, but they're open late, and this out of all the locations I've tried is my favourite - it might be the original. It seems to be in a very black neighbourhood, one with high BBQ standards, and usually when I come to this particular location I'm the only white person here, which I like.
If it's so good that your D*** falls off, it's Castrates BBQ.
Oh and about the sauce. If you have been conditioned - like many Americans - to be addicted to sugar, and you think that sugar-ketchup flavour is BBQ flavour, then don't expect to like KC BBQ, or Arthur Bryant's and Gates in particular, because sugar is not something you will taste here. OK, they make some sweet-er sauces to go with their original salty, but the salty is the way to go. And the sweet sauces are good, unlike the syrupy dessert-esque crap at most BBQ spots.
So in KC, it's salt, salt, and more salt. You're surrendering yourself to salt. Sort of like your mother did at my place last night.
And if the meat is so good that you have sex with it and get knocked up, it's Periods Lates BBQ.
Theirs is a smoky, hearty BBQ sauce, which is perfect Kansas city-style, a little sweeter than Arthur Bryant's which is my favourite, but still so good.
And of course this is where they filmed Enemy At The Gates BBQ, the Jude Law movie. Or was it the Jude Order movie.
So come here when you're in Kansas City. Speaking of KC... If it was one big college town, it'd be Campus City. And if everyone here had malignant tumours, it'd be Cancers City. Thankfully, it's none of those things.
And if Candace Swannepoel lived here, it'd be Candace City. And I'd come here more often. Because of Candace's Kitty. But unfortunately, it's not.
Now let's finish with Bryan Adams... Everything I Do (I Do It For Q)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFD2gu007dc
Look into my Yelp pix
You will find
Places you want to dine
Search your heart
Search your bookmarks
And when you're finally at Gates
You'll search no more
Can't tell me it's not worth dining for
Don't tell me it's not worth trying more
You know it's true
The world's best BBQ
I Yelped it for you.
There's no BBQ
Like Gates BBQ
And no other
Is more yummier
There's nowhere
As good as here
All the time
All the way to KC, yeah
Can't tell me, it's not worth dining for
I can't help it, I just want more and more
Yeah I'd fight for Q
I'd lie for Q
Walk the Wichita Line for Q
Yeah, I'd die for Q..........
You know it's true
Everything I do
I do it for Gates BBQ.