Damon B.
Yelp
Tacky, gaudy, ugly. These are what came to my mind as I toured this monstrosity of Catholic excess. "Opulence, I has it." I had no idea so many things could be covered in gold tiles! It was disgusting and offensive.
We parked across a busy street in an enormous visitor's lot, and walked into the bottom "crypt level" of the structure. There, we found an immense cafeteria and gift shop, filled mostly with stuff from various catholic saints--images, trinkets, etc.
The crypts were themselves poorly done marble resembling the cheapest gravestones I've ever seen, undoubtedly marking big donors to the Basilica. Rows of folding chairs were setup for a makeshift chapel despite there being numerous permanent and more comfortable chapels upstairs. My favorite was a life size cardboard cutout of the pope, which was ridiculous.
Upstairs on the main level everything seem to be covered in gold. GOLD! It was as if someone asked how they could possibly make a building look spectacular, and the only answer was to have more gold in it. I half expected a dragon to show up (a la Lord of the Rings) or to find a giant treasure room.
The stained-glass was actually very minimal, as most of the decoration was done in mosaic tile. Gold mosaic tile, of course. However there were some blue tiles used as contrast. The art was opulent and tasteless, and most of it resembled comic book drawings. It was terrible. The most grand part was the altar, showing a giant image of Jesus with bloody arms extended, which appeared to be saying, "WTF?" I felt as though that image of "dude Jesus" giving the double thumbs up would have fit well in this space.
The most impressive aspect of the Basilica was the ceiling shape. The stone work to make the rounded ceiling was really cool, but it was marred by tacky decor. The flooring had less appeal then a 1960's era department store. There were many chapels along the sides, an area that had confessional booth which also had a really impressive door. By impressive I mean that it was gold. There were also many statues, the metal ones (e.g. Saint Peter) rubbed shiny in various spots where tourists had touched them, I guess in prayer. It seemed like a good way to spread disease.
It is notable that everything in the Basilica is a façade--it's not really nice, it's just faux finishes. For example if you venture off to the side in any area that they think you may not see or care about, such as the restrooms, they were actually poorly done and kind of gross. It's actually just a bunch of cinderblock walls with faux finish!
This gets me to the absolute worst part of the experience, which was a high school group being brought through the Basilica. We overheard them off to the side, being told to send in money, how to address the envelopes, and so on. I guess the money would be used for more gold tiles? Seems like a good reason to get money from high school students. (I'm kidding, it was just horrible seeing these kids being told to send money.)
We asked to go up in the bell tower, which supposedly has a really good views of DC since it is the second tallest structure in in the city, by only a few inches to the Washington Monument. We were told that you could easily see the airport (DCA) from the tower. However, you cannot just go up there. You have to get special permission to get a tour. It wasn't sure if "special permission" meant that you had to slip them more money or not, but we were ready to go anyway. This empty shell of a structure was such a disappointment.
If you want an impressive tour of a religious building in Washington DC, skip the Basilica and go to the National Cathedral, which is tasteful, majestic, and represents everything a religious building should be.
Edit: I am now getting hate mail from Catholics believing I don't appreciate art. To be honest, there is more art in a coloring book than the Basilica. This place is awful and its garish style is against everything the Catholic Church teaches. It's shockingly bad. Seriously there is one place worth visiting for religion in DC: the National Cathedral.
