826 Valencia Pirate Supply Store

One of San Francisco's proper eccentricities, a pirate supply store. It's a feast of imagination and oddity. Come for the fun curios and endless draws full of Visual jokes. Leave with pocketfuls of pirate trinkets. And all the proceeds go to funding writers workshops for kids. Don't miss digging for treasures in thesa d or the amazing fish theater. Buckets of fun for kids of every age.

This store is a real delight. The front is a dedicated pirate shop with everything one could need to sail the high seas and the back a dedicated writing workshop for children. If you're looking for a gift for any children or adults who are interested in pirates this is definitely the place. Pins, patches, mermaid tails and more - there is a wide range of toys and paraphernalia. One of the things I like most is that you can buy books of works from graduates from the workshops. All proceeds from sales go towards the workshops.

Absolutely love this place! Got to learn all about the non profit. I'm a huge pirate nerd so really liked this shop that we happened to stumble upon. The store is super interactive with reap doors, drawers, and all sorts of hidden treasures to find! I do wish there was more for sale!! Understand it's tough to stock a niche item but there is very limited stock to buy, was a bit disappointed by that.

826 Valencia Pirate Store also offers a unique storefront full of everything you need to be a pirate and enjoy the pirate lifestyle. Initially opened to support the writing efforts of children in the local community, they also publish and promote the works if the program members. In the front of the store is also a small theater seating area with an aquarium where you can spend some time imagining you are at sea to set the stage for your shopping visit.

Very unique store with great after school writing programs. If you're looking for a cool gift, they've got it. You'll find something for all ages.

Very aesthetic and interesting but there's nothing very interesting for sale. Lots of funny posters though

The store is so eclectic and creative. And then it supports the tutoring center is awesome!

Cool place, lots of interesting things to discover as gifts And they have writing, tutoring and publishing offer for students 6-18

Arrrrrr. Ahoy matey, here be ye celebrations hats & unicorn polish in time for Talk Like a Parrot Day. (September 19) That's just to pull you in. Those in the know turn right inside the door to the tiny 4 seat theater featuring a large fish tank. Stay as long as you like, but heed their warning to NOT judge the fish. It's a pretty mesmerizing experience. I have a friend who comes in from the East Bay just to not judge fish with me. Time to explore the store. Open little drawers and find adorable useless items that you'll probably want to buy. Who doesn't need an extra eye patch or a hook to fit over your hand? The friendly guy at the counter is happy to help you select a pirate hat. There's always a shelf of McSweeneys & other publications by the store's co-founder, author Dave Eggers. But there's more. The real purpose of 826 Valencia. The back room. That's where underserved kids are given opportunity & resources to develop writing skills. To paraphrase....... Pirate Store: we'd like to open a non-profit education center. City: What?! This here is zoned for retail. Ya gotta sell something. The rest is history. 826 Valencia is a 501c3 non-profit with branches in the Tenderloin, the Mission, & Mission Bay. There are now 9 chapters of 826 National. If you're looking for an end of year tax deduction, this is where yer money should go. Yarrrr

My niece wanted to visit the store after her birthday brunch. We walked into the store, and it was a little difficult to push our stroller around, so we had the toddler walk around. The bigger kids were interested in the pirate supplies. We bought a few sets of zodiac dice because there is a five-dollar minimum for credit card purchases and I don't like to carry cash in the city. I would love to return to watch a show here,

826 Valencia is a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting under resourced students aged six to eighteen with their creative writing skills, and to help inspire teachers. 826 has chapters in Chicago, DC, LA, Michigan, New Orleans, NYC, Boston, & Minneapolis - St. Paul. More info at 826Valencia.org You can support 826 Valencia on October 16th, 2021, via the 20th Street Block Party 12pm - 6pm See 20thstreetblockparty.com for more information and the Music Lineup

Coming from a long line of privateers, I was getting worried about not fulfilling my birthright because of the settling down and having a family and job and all that. Thankfully, due to this speciality trade shop, I'm able to start my proverbial treasure chest of accoutrements and decor by spending my shillings here. I started by buying a mortar and pestle at this fine establishment 20 years prior. It's chiseled of stone so the thinking goes that it should last for several thousand years more, at the very least, which should give me enough time to accrue (a-crew!!! ha!!!) enough paid time off to go on my piracy voyage.

I love this place so much. Good to read the walls, open the drawers, watch the fish, buy fun things. Support a good cause. I haven't gone during COVID and I miss it.

Magical. Apparently one word is not enough for a review? I wrote it in 2015... the memory is a bit vague at the point, but: Wandered through the Mission with my boyfriend, don't even remember what we were doing there, but we came upon this odd little shop and so naturally I had to go in. Best decision ever xD I think I took about a million photos of the curiosities in this place but really I should have left my phone in my pocket and just absorbed it all without distractions. I've been longing to go back...

This is such a cool place- as an English teacher, I love how proceeds go to support writing workshops for kids. Read the plaque at entry to understand what this place is all about, then go looking around at all the hidden treasures! Everything a seaworthy pirate could need before sailing the seven seas can be found here, from maps and eye patches to spy glasses and various decorative knick knacks. Be sure to read all of the plaques and open the drawers and cabinets. Don't forget to check out the fish theater, and pick out a book for a souvenir- I highly suggest "This Bridge Will Not Be Gray" by Dave Eggers, one of the founders.

One of my favorite places! The Pirate Supply Store was born of necessity, though not of the necessity of selling pirate supplies. When Dave Eggers & company wanted to open a writing and tutoring center in the Mission they found the perfect space was zoned for retail. Thus, they created the Pirate Supply Store as a front that would raise money for the tutoring center in back. Other 826 outposts have followed suit with superhero, time travel, and spy-themed shops, among others. When you visit the Pirate Supply Store, be sure to dig for treasure - either literally in the sand and bucket of lard (you can keep you treasure by bartering with a song, joke, or picture) and more metaphorically in the student publications and hilarious gifts for sale. Need a cure for scurvy? Some tasty lemon meringue jelly beans await you. Trying to catch a mermaid? Mermaid bait (aka aquamarine glitter) comes in handy waterproof tins for your next trip to the sea. If you need some quiet time, there's a dark and comfy fish theater near the entrance, and you can also find some info about volunteering for 826 there, too. Anchors aweigh!

This cute shop carries a surprise in every nook and cranny. I stumbled upon this shop while aimlessly wandering in the mission area. From the outside, it looked like a typical hobby store, but once I figured out that you could open all the drawers and things that line against the wall, I had such a blast! This place is really cool and although I'm not a die hard pirate fan, I think the store exudes a creativity that I've never seen in a store before.

Thank you Mr. Eggers, for making this all possible. For making the treasure chest. You didn't make the treasure, but without a chest it'd be scattered under beaches, in dragon's lairs, at the bottom of the sea. My friends have lent a hand on these decks; I've not. Whilst visiting the other day I wondered over whether they'd have me. I have a shred of imagination left. I could bury it here. This place is special for so many reasons. First and foremost its mission, followed closely by the almost criminally novel front of the house. Again, as I've only been in front I can only accurately speak to this aspect with accuracy. The other aspect I can only offer with imprecision (reverential imprecision). There is a drawer in the stateroom wall marked Thumps. In it are wooden mallets. There are puppets and floats and all manner nets from the ceiling. Admire them too closely and you'll be mopped. Pile upon pile of booty and guides to the pirate's way are distributed about the shoppe, fine gifts for those you left wet-eyed on the dock. The pirate's way is a lonely way. 826 is on a stretch of Valencia with bookstores and storefronts with the most delectable selection of randomness. It's like a dream, really. The one you have after eating a half-pound burger right before bed. Delphina is around the corner almost, so you can get your shop on with an angel in your belly. Perhaps could keep you protected from the brigands that await. It's really lovely. You have to go.

Argh Matey! Pirate treasure awaits you at 826 Valencia. Who knew I needed pirate goods? This store has everything from Scurvy Begone to Mermaid Bait or Repellent. Oh you need an authentic pirate hook, they have that too. Open all the little drawers and see what treasures await. They have shirts and posters that say stuff like "Beards are the new Black" and "Cannons don't sink ships, Pirates with cannons sink ships". All the merchandise is branded really beautifully. A great shop for a good novel gift. It's a good place for kids and adults alike. The real treasure goes on with the non-profit that happens behind the shop. They help kids from 8-16 improve on their writing skills. Make sure you visit Karl, the puffer fish on your way in or out.

If you're looking for a store that sells practical trinkets, you're in the wrong place. If you want to have a curious experience and see silly and thoughtful pieces, then this is it. It's a quirky establishment and most definitely worth a stop. You'll almost feel like a tourist due to its novel features (and I mean that in the best way possible). They also support a writing program, which is neat. I didn't get a chance to ask more but it's a respectable establishment for that alone.

A place for all ages and tastes. No really - piracy clearly bridges the great divides between generations, refinement, culture, everything. We all want to steal shiny stuff, and do it with style. And this is the place to get yourself outfitted for such a venture. No, seriously, this is a way-bitching cool place that I could bring all three kids to, and have them all be fascinated by the stuff therein. I do not exclude myself, having purchased a snarky star chart. True, Allergy Boy spent the entire visit scribing his love for the Phillies in the pirate log book, but at least he got a shiny souvenir in barter for it. That's the ethos of this place. Oh, and give them exact change, and watch their faces alight with ecstacy. But I digress. Go here, and poke around. Shopping here is interactive. You have to open those drawers, lift those lids, prod that lard, sift that sand, to find the good stuff. Then go next door, and look at all the dead stuff (but that's another review).

I stepped into the universe of my dreams! We were en route to dinner and all of a sudden, the energy of his place just attracted me right in! I was stopped in my tracks, initially, by the use of cardboard for decor in the window. What a way of utilizing what would otherwise become "trash" for creative use, thanks for setting the example! Then I walk in... the beautiful being behind the counter sealed the deal for me, actually, one happening after another sealed the deal for this place! Children could find hidden treasures, adults their own bounty and whimsical treats, and the decor was wonderfully playful. All became even more potent and magical when I walked to the back of the store and bore witness to a massive space being utilized to encourage writing for children! Their parents were observing and chatting while their children were thoroughly engaged in writing work with volunteers. If you haven't been, do yourself a favor and visit. It's special space.

I absolutely love the 826 storefronts, and I could finally visit the original one! (It was sadly closed for renovations the first time I was in SF) First of all the 826 initiative is just wonderful, and the way they deal with their storefronts is just so creative and fun. This is my fourth, and I want to "collect" them all. There's so much fun stuff to discover in this store. Lots of drawers to pull out and peek into, and definitely don't miss the aquarium! Don't go in here if you're in a rush, you'll want to take your time to open the drawers and read all the funny signs, and properly explore.

It's billed as a store but really it's a go to interactive experience. Walls contain drawers with pirate related items. I wish they had a larger selection of things to purchase. Sparrow was amazing behind the counter and very informative

I remember a long long time ago being so happy to be sitting watching the fish tank, and nothing has changed. Well ,Karl is gone. But the pirate goods are still here and there is a puffer occupying the tank by the front door. The pirate store is a great resource, but the mission of the establishment is important. While most of the people who enter in in the front door have a few laughs and leave without any idea whats really going on, it's important to recognize and respect 826 for the value they add to the community. Did you know that sauerkraut is a great source of vitamins and minerals. Captain James Cook started to take it with him on his sea voyages to help combat scurvy. Sauerkraut.

We came back here again because the kid had another field trip to their creative writing class. Class is still fun and engaging. The store is stocked with pirate gear. However, do browse the books available for sale. Some were written by our local students. The books are all reasonably priced. I bought an 8x11 200+ page professionally hard bound book for $28. This book were fairy tales written by students from a local high school. If you look at the student written books, you will see that many of the forewords were written by some pretty famous people: Robin Williams (RIP), Gavin Newsome and Daniel Handler (Mr. Lemony Snicket). That's quite impressive. Proceeds from this store benefit their writing and tutoring workshops. 826 Valencia helps inner City kids with their writing and homework. The workshops are also provided to SF schools for free. The store and people's kind donations are what keeps these programs alive. Do something nice today, donate to 826 Valencia!

Shiver me timbers, landlubbers! This was hands down (or should that be hands/hooks down?) my absolute favourite shop on my tour of the Mission conducted by my Yelp Elite friend Lorrie M This is a whole shop devoted to all things pirate and they truly stay in character throughout the whole shop. Such an unassuming name for such a fantastic and fascinating shop. There's everything a modern pirate could want, from notices telling visitors about proper pirate etiquette, to treasure to planks when your guests don't behave and you need to exact an appropriate punishment There's a little theatre and I gather that kids can get tutoring here This unique shop is a must on any tour of the Mission!

How does anyone not give this place five stars? This is a PIRATE STORE! They even have a fish theater, and mind you, rules for the fish theater. Don't judge the fish please. Everything in here can only be described as Awesome, Spectacular, Amazing, Cool, Great, and Fantastic. This is a total must visit not just if you're in the Mission District but if you're in the city of San Francisco in general. I have been hard pressed to find something like this existing in San Francisco and had no idea it was here all along! (I need to walk around more....) The prices on here are ultra reasonable for the awesome, cool things you will find here to buy. It doesn't matter if you're not into pirates or speak in Arghh Matey tongues, you will be entertained, enthralled and enchanted by all that you find here. There's even a tub of lard, for all of your lard needs. Seriously, this place is a MUST. And if you MUST know, you can find some of the best sand in SF at 826 Valencia. On a side note, they also have a fantastic back room educational area, for which I'm sure young pirates are certain to be born. HIGHLY. RECOMMENDED.

This might be my favorite place in San Francisco. The Captain found and introduced me to it and I could love him forever for that reason alone. We still stop in if we're walking by and laugh at the same things like it's the first time we've seen them - 'cause they're still funny. I know that 826 offers writing workshops for kids, which is an incredibly worthy and noble cause, but I don't have kids so I love it for the pirates (if I did, I would surely take them here over Moby Dick, Good Vibrations or wherever it is you take kids nowdays - this is a better place for kids to get booty.)

Today I went to the store with my friend who was visiting from out of state. The store is open 12-6pm. We arrived at 12:45pm and there was a sign saying "sorry we are temporarily closed getting the shop ship shape." There was a gentleman in the store cleaning and I asked very politely if he knew when they'd be opening up and he said "no--sorry." So that was not a satisfactory experience

A brief history, if you didn't know. 826 Valencia was founded by Dave Eggers, and served as a place to help tutor kids in writing, and writing creatively. It was threatened to be closed because the store wasn't like the rest of the stores on Valencia-- it wasn't a retail store. The store was redesigned to sell pirate memorabilia in order to save the store. I bring everyone who comes to visit to this place, and 100% of the time we spend at least an hour sitting in front of the fish tank. It's a great place to catch up. Additionally, we ALWAYS make up stories about the fish. That must be why it's here, to get you imagining no matter what your age is. It's amazing how this store not only reminds you of being a kid, but makes you feel like a kid.

I am a big fan and a supporter of the 826 model, and I was long overdue a visit to the mothership at 826 Valencia. I've volunteered in other cities and visited a few of the other offbeat storefronts. So my SF trip could not be complete without a trip to the Pirate Supply Store. What a fun place. I got to see the fish tank where Karl once lived. I got a cool t-shirt. I browsed citrus, glass eyes, and peg legs. I even 'absent-mindedly wandered' over to a display so that a very excited little boy could 'mop' me with the secret release rope. I'm happy to spend money here to support the great tutoring and workshops that 826 presents. Arr!

I need to finish writing about my adventure in the Mission district. I've put it off for far too long, but books and work and classes and a social life can do that to a girl. So here goes. The Commodore first mentioned the pirate store to me, after discovering my love of all things piratey. But we never went, and finally C_ and I made plans to go raiding and looting afore Blackbeard's Ball. We went. I went. I fell in love. Carl the puffer fish fell in love with himself. (By the by, don't ask a girl to marry you in front of him. I heard he gets a might bit jealous, and it's in the rules. See photo.) This site of vast patronage has a history to it, one that had decidedly to do with zoning regulations. I won't bore you with the details, but I learned from C_ that the store was only a front; that the real treasure was behind the store to promote learning for children. There was a poetry reading going on when we visited. Truly marvelous, and I applaud those who work so hard to do that for today's youth. We need it bad! The pirate store itself is a trove of fun items that make you think, trinkets to buy if you can understand what it's for, and knick knacks to make you smile. After a thorough browsing, I departed with a pair of red pirate socks (which I wore to the Ball) and a d12 depicting body parts for my brother-in-law's birthday. Whilst there, I got hit with the net twice! lol. Beware where thou standeth nearest the hostess. If you brave the Mission district with its hipsters and crazy people, I urge you to come visit this store, And when you're done, journey to the store adjacent by the name of Paxton. Another store full of wonderful treasures beyond imagining.

Check out the fish tank which has a different mood each day of the week. Open all the drawers, and the trap door in the floor, buy McSweeneys and an eyepatch ...and don't stick your hand in the lard, no matter how cool it seems at the time it's simply not.

This place is the stuff of writers' (and writing fans') dreams. I'm not particularly a pirate fan, but the pirate-themed writing here is just so clever and I love the imagination they've put into the creating the store. They have framed writing on the wall--sample titles include, "Take Your Picture Like a Pirate," "Guidelines for Window-Shopping," and "Lame Offerings I have Received, by Poseidon." The design of these writings is equally fabulous and thought out. The signs on all the items for sale are equally creative. The bf and I had a mini wooden sword fight! Time for him to walk the plank! There seem to be a bunch of fun activities for kids (and wannabe kids!) to do, including a fish theater (complete with pufferfish, red velvety theater seats, and relaxing music in a darkened alcove), a telescope, a bucket full of sand with hidden treasures (for kids 12 and under, no geriatrics! arrr!). I still prefer NYC as a city to SF, but this is a huge push in the SF direction. All proceeds go towards writing workshop for children in underserved communities!

OK, as a store, this place is just OK. I mean, it doesn't really have things you'd want in most occasions. Although the dice in front always temp me. Directional/body part dice? Sounds like fun. But as a concept, it's just so great. My favorite thing in it, that I would have really loved as a kid, is the treasure vat. I love seeing kids do something silly in order to keep their prize. So cure. The fish theater is also fantastic. And, well, let's not even go into the writing workshops that are the true purpose of this crazy store front.

If I had kids and wanted to provide them a creative outlet, I'd bring them here to this magical gem of a place. It's a multi-purpose space for a museum, shop and creative space for burgeoning writers. 826 Valencia fuels the imagination of kids and adults alike. Pull open all the drawers to discover feathers in mason jars, the cure to scurvy, the many shapes and sizes of mustaches, petrified mermaid tears and many more legends of the great world. In reality, this place is a supply/decor store that sells pirate-themed items like apothecary bottles, clothing, treasure loot, prints and books. It is also is a non-profit that supports students to write and offers free programs in their back room area. This place is unarrrrrguably the coolest spot to look for buried treasure as well as inspiring young writers.

Quite possibly the only store in San Francisco that truly fills me with childish delight!!! There are so many drawers full of nautical knick-knacks, endless cool, shiny things to see...this really IS a Pirate Supply Shop, but not in a Disney-store kind of way. There are glass eyeballs and "tattoo removal kits" (a file!!) and bottles in which to leave messages when one is marooned. There are humorous writings all over the place instructing one on the various appropriate ways to act when one is a pirate, such as how to swab the deck. But this glorious space isn't just about inspiring your inner sailor to take to the high seas under the Jolly Roger...it's a front for tutoring children. And that makes me even happier to see here along the Valencia Corridor. Kudos, 826 Valencia! Or should I say the uber-trite and yet still-delicious "Yo Ho!!"

Three words you'll never hear at 826 Valencia: "Don't touch that." C'mon. A pirate store? Are you KIDDING me, San Francisco? That's just too cool. With bottled scurvy, eye-patch fitting recommendations, buried treasure and periscopes, this place is enough to send me spinning back to six-year-old me. Almost everything in this shop is interactive, quirky, hilarious, and entertaining. I mean...it's a PIRATE store for god's sake. If you can't get excited about that, you have a bigger situation on your hands.

The best place in the world. An incredible pirate shop. Funny, amazing, crazy, nice people, kind atmosphere... I like the idea behind, the NOG that helps young writers to develop their skills. I'm an absolutely fan of them. Great idea with the best implementation!

What a cute little place. A friend did the beautifully designed gold window display in the front and had a little reception. Be careful not to get mopped! (a trap door opens a box suspended from the ceiling to release mop heads!) The private aquarium viewing room with the fish dancing to the beats is quite fun and unique... everything there pirate themed is kitschy fun.

The best pirate supply store in the greater bay area. Eye patches for all occasions. Swords and flags also available, in case you lost yours in a capsized ship. Best part, your purchases don't just help the pirate community. You are also help young writers hone their craft. If you love the written word, as well as buccaneers, come on by.

This place will put a smile on your face. You do not need anything in the store, but when you enter you find yourself wishing you were a pirate so you could feel justified in purchasing pirate swag. The books are funny and some of the merchandise are total gag toys, but it is just a fun place to go and check out. If you do ever decide to become a pirate this place would be the place to go.

This review is for the Pirate Store, the visible part of 826 Valencia that supports a non-profit creative writing operation for children. Whoever was in charge of the Pirate Shop outdid themselves. The space is decked out floor to ceiling and wall to wall in wood, with goods crammed onto hooks, nooks & crannies, and asymmetrical drawers sporting entertaining descriptors that lure you into opening them to see what's inside. There's a decidedly uncommercial feel b/c the goods are really a random assortment without obvious price tags to break the illusion. In some ways, you feel like you're exploring a pirate ship more than shopping a theme store. And of course, stock up on pirate ship goodies and treasures like silverware, gold coins, hooks, rope, glass baubles, rusted keys, etc. The store is small, but a great job done on atmosphere and goods selection. Its rare that I feel this way, but I felt a child-like excitement and wonderment when I first entered the Pirate Store, and that is a really special thing.

Really cool store with all the gear any aspiring pirate will ever need. Definitely a store you can spend hours in looking at all the random knick knacks. Was introduced to this place through the Sidewalk food tours of SF (which I highly recommend). Apparently this place helps to fund a literary children's program & they donate a percent of their proceeds to charity. Kind of odd and run down from outside but definitely check it out if you're in the area. You can even see the kids being tutored in the back if you go inside :)

I don't know what's not to love about this place. If you have any interest in imagination and pirates it's a must visit.

In the venerable McSweeney's Lists tradition, I present to you THE MOST COMMON ADJECTIVES USED TO DESCRIBE THE PIRATE STORE AT 826 VALENCIA Plunderific Superlafitte Barbarytastic Bluebeardy Parrotic Cutlassome Bootylicious Patchy Schoonerlative Beautiplank Exemplarrrrrry Scurvey-licious [(c) Bucky K] Keeltastic [(c) Half Nelson M] Hookeriffic [(c) Half Nelson M] And you kids better take advantage of the writing tutors. BE GRATEFUL -- I wish I had that resource when I was younger. Five stars for pirate supplies, sure. But five EXTRA stars for tutoring kids. Now let me commandeer your vessel.

If you've ever gotten ROTD on Yelp, you know that giddy feeling of exuberance and flight that can only be brought on by the unexpected, fleeting honor. Though the recognition and glory are gone in a mere 24 hours, who cares? It kind of rocks! Now imagine: you're 16 years old. Never wrote a Yelp review in your life, don't even like writing very much. At school one day, you're encouraged to write your first full short story. You eventually get into it and end up working really hard on it. Within a few months time, your story is put in a book and you are a published author. Years later, you're still able to direct people to Amazon to find it. Now which form of publication sounds sweeter? :) Both are accomplishments in their own right, but especially if you've been recognized for the former, why not share your amazing writing talents in being part of the latter? Last winter I was privileged to participate in 826 Valencia's annual "Book Project," where high school English students write stories and essays to get published into a book. This year, Mission High School juniors and seniors reflected upon "the golden rule," and alongside the students, 826's dedicated staff, and my fellow tutors, I helped flesh out their work at the editorial board and copyediting phases. The hours upon hours of everyone's tireless work and efforts were celebrated at February's book release party, where I was honored to have my copy of "A Show of Hands" signed by dozens of its proud, excited young authors. I was as excited as they were. 826 Valencia, an organization that supports young people in developing their writing skills, is the perfect place for anyone who loves writing and kids to volunteer their time and talents. Opportunities include big undertakings like the book project, in-school tutoring at elementary and middle schools in the city, drop-in afterschool and weekend tutoring, school "field trips" where students write and bind a book in 2 short hours (!), and various workshops for both youth and adults. Because I'm on a 8-5 work schedule during the week, I don't get to work as directly with the kids as I would like (hoping to start the weekend tutoring soon). However, I've still had a decent, manageable number of opportunities to get involved in the community, meet other people passionate about writing, and make a difference in young people's lives. 826 is truly a wonderful, unique place, and it is my pleasure to dedicate my 200th Yelp review to it. It's also fronted by a pirate store... arrr!!!

Yar. I love pirates. They are certainly better than ninjas. Here are the reasons: -Pirates have big ships -Disneyland has no rides for ninjas -Pirates yo ho ho with a bottle of rum -3 Ninjas Knuckle Up was a stupid movie -Wenches (At 826, you can get accessories to go with four of the five listed above. The store is filled with pirate gear from maps to keys. There's even a secret trap mechanism inside the store near the X on the floor...) These are the reasons why pirates are better than ninjas, with an exception made for Ninja Gaiden. End yar.

Normally I have a thing against stores that front. You know, the stores that couldn't possibly just be what they seem...it's a crazy facade that no one believes. "Massage parlor", my ass. 826 Valencia is the best front EVER. It's a pirate-y, literary, costume-y gem of a store...in the FRONT. In the back is where it's really at. (In a wholesome, strictly non-"massage" sense). All pirate-y proceeds fund the writing & tutoring center behind all the pirate gear. Kids ages 6 to 18 get the support they need (free of charge) to improve their basic and creative writing skills. Be still, my English-major heart! 826 Valencia, I support you!

I love sharing this place with family and friends. Anytime someone asks me what do to with a day in the Mission, my list has to include the 826 Pirate Store. It's hard to describe what exactly is so appealing about a pirate store for non-pirates, but there's a certain je ne sais quas to the place that must be seen to be understood. Sometimes hard to enjoy on a crowded day, but curious souls won't be disappointed. Tips: -Read all the signs. -Open drawers, peek around corners-- the more you look, the more you find. -Buy something (it's for a good cause)!

826 Valencia is much more than it appears. It is not a retail shop specializing in Pirate themed merchandise (although that is a nice added bonus), but a tutoring center for kids. It does everything to inspire a love of the written word for the entire community. For that, I feel their mission is so necessary and has so much of an impact today. I have applied to begin volunteering at 826 Valencia, but for now I will review my enjoyment of the pirate store. I love the drawers of glass balls and colorful scarves and salt and coins and keys and buttons. It's like going treasure hunting every time I'm in the store. They have a selection of fun T shirts and every book ever published through McSweeneys. Yesterday I bought their classic 826 tshirt, a bottle of sepia colored ink and a new McSweeneys book I have yet to read. The volunteer staff is always so helpful, Karl the pufferfish provides endless amusement, and where else can you find a peg leg sizing chart? Whenever you and your maties come ashore next, be sure to stock up on all your supplies at 826 Valencia. I challenge you to find a better pirate supply store anywhere else. Yo ho ho. Aaaarrrr Maties.

I've only had the privilege of visiting one other 826 shop (the Echo Park Time Travel Mart in L.A.), so I'll sadly be limited in my comparisons. I'm blasting the Dread Crew of Oddwood's latest album for inspiration. The 826s are wonderful theme shops benefiting children's literacy and boosting their creative writing skills. The Time Travel Mart is a convenience store loaded with shelves and refrigerators stocked with sundries and products that would come in handy when visiting various historic eras and the future, while 826 Valencia (that is all that is written on their sign) is a pirate supply shop with mannequins, ropes and netting strewn about with framed fliers and drawers everywhere. Got a good chuckle out of some of the instructions and tips hanging around the shop (the list of acceptable sacrifices for favorable winds depending on which body of water you're in among the funniest). Since a sign by the small aquarium near the front directs that you please not judge the fish, I'll refrain from posting about them here. 826LA has more novelty items (mammoth chunks, Viking repellent, robot emotion chips, etc) while the pirate store has more pamphlets and items like striped socks, T-shirts, pirate flags, eye patches, real shackles, and expensive quills. And of course people have mentioned the bin of lard that's just sort of there. As for photography, they always seem confused when we ask if it's OK to take pictures at 826LA, saying, "Yeah, sure! Why wouldn't you be able to?" while the young woman working the counter at 826 Valencia rather smugly said, "No!" when we inquired. Frankly, the clerk was fairly unfriendly. She sat there looking bored and didn't acknowledge anyone unless they were making a purchase. But even when my friend came up arms loaded down with shirts, flags, locks, and books, the clerk came off annoyed. Was she trying to be in character? I'd gone out of my way a few times to visit 826 Valencia, only to discover it was closed, which just led to our visiting Paxton Gate (a more interesting store in the long run). Again, while I admire the mission of 826 National, especially with San Francisco's being the first, this review is about their storefront and it was just OK. I understand that 826 Valencia was pretty much the prototype for the other stores, but their young clerk sort of killed our buzz.

Stumbling into 826 Valencia in a bit of a disoriented state, my visitors and I were thoroughly puzzled to find a store full of pirate stuff. Is this stuff actually for sale? Is that *really* a huge tub of lard? All I know is that this store is a lot of fun to wander around. Oh, and that it is actually a front for an awesome children and young adult's writing workshop program created by Dave Eggers. Perhaps this bucket of lard I now have sitting next to me will help some kid become the next great American author. Cool.

What the hell could be better than this? It's a pirate supply store in the mission that uses the allure of the open seas to trick kids into learning to read and write. It's what the Derek Zoolander Center For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too could have been if only it were bigger, founded by Dave Eggers and disguised as a pirate store in a fun neighborhood. I think their inventory is improved of late, and last time I went in to buy an eye patch, I heard my name called from the back, and one of my former students was volunteering as a tutor. Gracie, you rock! ps. The PIRATE PROM is the party of the year! Trust me.

This stretch of Valencia houses some of the greatest boutique shops in San Francisco. Among them lies one of particular repute, innocuously named "826 Valencia". No one would know this is a shopping resource for those who dedicate their lives to plunder. Pirates. Marauders. Buccaneers! Scalawags of the high seas! This is your premier shopping destination. This store is an excellent resource for all your glass eye needs. If you're too cheap for a glass eye, try their dazzling array of eye patches. They also feature a fine array of mops. As your captain is surely fond of reminding you, those decks aren't going to swab themselves. The true secret of this place is the hidden back room. Yes, my friends. Circle close and I will share a secret with you. The store, while extensive in its selection, is merely a front operation for something far more nefarious and undermining of today's pirate culture. That's education. You see, 826 Valencia's true purpose is to provide afterschool writing workshops for young people. Those looking to get ahead or those looking to catch up can come here to learn in a fostering and progressive environment. So why would I say that something so positive as education is nefarious to the pirate culture? As many a captain will tell you, a learned crew is a mutinous crew. It's better to keep the boys up front shopping for wooden legs than learning to read and write.

I'm opting out of the Pirate jokes...this review is about ONE THING!! FAKE MICE!!!! Not rats...MICE!! All nasty!!! You have all seen mice. You know their coloring!! Disgusto!! Have you ever had mice in your house? You know that dirty filthy feeling you get all over your body? You hug yourself in an attempt to get that cold creepy feeling to go away. Nasty little mice in your building, crawling all around the inside of your walls. Only to wait until darkness falls when the sound of normal living doesn't drown out their scratching and they venture outside. Looking for food. Searching everywhere for a crumb to eat. You can see them crawling around the floor zooming back and forth climbing over anything in their way to get to food. The mouse somehow gets on your bed at night and crawls around and into your hair and on your body! Their long skinny wormy tails touching your face!!!EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWWEEWE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FUCKING HATE MICE!!!!!! Nasty little shits!!! The best part though...is that EVERYONE hates mice!! (yes, Laura...even you have to hate mice!) So come here and buy fake mice and scare the shit out of that co-worker you hate, or put it on your roommate's face or shoes when they leave their dirty dishes in the sink, or mail it to your ex's new gf. Excuse me...I have to go scrub myself...this review made me feel dirty.