"I woke up next to Queen Vic this morning. Her name, of course, isn’t Queen Vic, but in an attempt to maintain some privacy about my love life, as I contradictorily discuss it now, she is Queen Vic — named for the East Village bar where, almost a decade ago, we had our first date."

"By the time night came round, I decided to order Mexican from Chavela’s. I got the black beans and rice, which sometimes reminds me of the food I grew up with, rice and peas, as well as an avocado tostada and quesadilla."

"I’ll take one of those,” I said, pointing to what I guess was a margherita slice. It was just tomato sauce and large circles of mozzarella. If anyone knows the actual name of this type of slice, let me know. I also grabbed a cheese, but when I said, “Do you have garlic knots?” the man behind the counter answered in a way that sounded both proud and perturbed. I had a Poland Spring water, too."

"I ordered Ethiopian from Ras Plant Based in Brooklyn. It’s expensive but worth it, even though the injera always comes lukewarm at best and cold at worst. It’s sitting in front of me right now, and I already know it’s going to be delicious."

"Queen Vic came over around 11. She’d had dinner with two friends at a restaurant in Greenpoint called Oxomoco. “It has a Michelin star,” she said as we walked up the stairs to my apartment. “I ate everything.” Of course she did. When we lived together, seven years ago, she routinely proved she could out-eat me any day."

"We settled on El Barrio Burritos, one of my go-tos. I went with my regular: a vegan sweet ribs bowl with refried pinto beans, chipotle hot sauce, habanero hot sauce, diablo hot sauce, jalapeños, chopped pickles, scallions, salad, rice, pico de gallo, Mexican corn, and, of course, the “specially imported” soy-based vegan spare ribs. Queen Vic got “The *NEW* Bangin’ Chicken BOWL — ‘Pollo Poblano’!” It was delicious, per usual, and Queen Vic enjoyed hers."