The Royal Cuckoo

"Dark lighting, kitschy decor, and killer cocktails make this a perfect bar to lay low. Thumb through the massive collection of vintage records that’ll distract you from the sports fanatics parading outside." - Eloise Porter

"The decor is all over the place—a deer head, a photo composite of 2 Kennedys and Martin Luther King, A small boy wearing his best Victorian finery, sketches of grumpy people and animals, Burt Reynolds staring at you longingly from the record shelf, I could go on and on… And that’s what makes this place unique, it is the antithesis of the highly curated, themed bars flooding SF at the moment. This corner spot opened up in 2011, and was such a welcome addition to the neighborhood, which (at the time) was sadly missing places to grab a proper cocktail. The Royal Cuckoo is incredibly dark and very red (and we're not just saying that to justify our crappy photos), but once your eyes adjust, you feel a bit like you are transported to something akin to a set from Twin Peaks. Live music (W-Sun) pushes the eclectic vibe over the top—when the Hammond organ built into the bar is lovingly played, accompanied by a cornucopia of uniquely talented singers and musicians. The Cuckoo is just a really special spot." - Strohl

"The Royal Cuckoo in Bernal Heights makes a great date spot when you’re nervous and want all the dim red lighting to hide the fact that your cheeks are flushing from all the butterflies. Plus, all the corner nooks make it easy to feel intimate if you’d like to get into a conversation about existentialism versus absurdism. While there’s no food here, they do have a giant record collection, alcoholic hot cider, and a warmed back patio if you want to briefly escape the red lights. " - lani conway, ricky rodriguez, julia chen 1

"Not to be mistaken with Royal Cuckoo Market in the Mission, this is “church” for dive bar-heads in Bernal Heights. Find a spot one of the many church pews in this dimly lit (read: very, very dark) space. While your eyes adjust, sip on boozy drinks and mid-tier beers and listen to the vinyl that’s always spinning in the corner — or just admire the taxidermy-adorned walls." - Lena Park, Garrett Schlichte, Paolo Bicchieri

"There’s a Hammond organ tucked away behind the bar of this eclectic Bernal hideaway, and, for the majority of the week, you’ll discover a rotating lineup of musicians jamming out to the tunes of blues, soul, and jazz. If the bizarro living room vibes, boozy drinks, and comprehensive vinyl collection aren’t enough to lure you in, perhaps a hat tip from the New York Times will entice you. Things get going around 8 p.m., but sometimes earlier, and sometimes later." - Zoë Bernard, Paolo Bicchieri