"Musso is a wonderfully bizarre place. The wood-paneled interior of Hollywood’s oldest restaurant resembles a well-preserved Elks Lodge that hosts 300-person weddings, complete with dusty chandeliers and an out-of-use phone booth in the back. Its throwback American menu is filled with schmaltzy nostalgia, and the martini is more famous than anyone inside. Yes, even that person in the red leather booth who show-ran Maude. We can almost guarantee if you texted “Musso night soon?” to four friends right now, you’d get four responses saying “I’m in.” Still, even its most diehard fans will tell you, there’s a right way and a wrong way to do the Musso experience. No one comes to this 100-year-old restaurant to eat great food—or if they do, they shouldn’t. You come to flirt with handsome waiters in red tuxedo jackets, drink cocktails that come with a sidecar, and bask in the glory of a room with more movie history than a storage closet at The Egyptian. And of course, unless you plan on asking for table bread refills the whole night, you’ll be expected to order something from the nice man named Rudolfo who just answered your questions about the jellied consomme. photo credit: Jessie Clapp photo credit: Jakob Layman photo credit: Jessie Clapp photo credit: Jakob Layman The correct path forward is the $62, 12-ounce filet mignon, which is a good value in Hollywood, consistently tender, and always arrives on the pink side of medium rare. And if you need a second entree, the sanddabs drizzled in a sauce meunière is a worthy choice. From there, add one gooey onion soup au gratin per person and a side of Lyonnaise potatoes that looks like baked apple pie. You’ll be tempted to try one of the menu's retro curiosities, too. Do so at your own risk. The only “wow” of dishes like the dry flannel cake or marinated herring glopped in sour cream is that they haven't been sealed away in a Smithsonian exhibit. On its best nights, Musso’s dining room is about 40% tourists and 60% regulars who’ve been drinking the same glass of Scotch since they won an Emmy for casting in 1982. Occasionally, the cargo shorts crowd packs in and turns the front dining room into a Raddison Inn lobby, so avoid that scene by calling day-of for a reservation. That's when Musso & Frank Grill offers up tables in its private dining rooms, and you'll end up with a semi-exclusive dinner with all of the other Angelenos who texted “I’m in.” Food Rundown photo credit: Jessie Clapp The Martini People have been drinking perfectly stirred martinis at Musso since before Prohibition, so if you come asking for some souped-up twist based on a TikTok trend, you’re going to be judged. By everyone. photo credit: Jessie Clapp Onion Soup Au Gratin No one likes sharing good french onion soup, so just order a cup for every person at the table. Because this gooey, decadent version is great. photo credit: Jessie Clapp Baby Iceberg Wedges Greens? At Musso? Don’t go bragging to your doctor. This baby is loaded with big chunks of diced bacon, croutons, and a whole clump of bleu cheese. It also comes with bleu cheese dressing, but we like it better with the dressing from the shrimp louie. So ask your server for a side of that, too. photo credit: Jessie Clapp Shrimp Cocktail A place like Musso & Frank should crush a shrimp cocktail, but this dish flops. The shrimp are small and sad, and the way-too-sweet cocktail sauce only makes things worse. photo credit: Jessie Clapp Filet Mignon This needs to be the centerpiece of every meal at Musso, and some say its tastes best when you're seated in front of the flame-broiler station along the bar counter. There’s nothing flashy or over the top about it. Just a quality, well-cooked steak. Amen. photo credit: Jessie Clapp Sanddabs Meal centerpiece 1B. Is it the prettiest dish in the world? No. But it’s three flaky, pan-fried fish filets covered in butter sauce and capers. It won’t be on the table long. photo credit: Jessie Clapp Lyonnaise Potatoes Musso has six types of potatoes on their menu, and this is the best. The spuds are boiled and sliced, then shallow-fried in a giant pile with onions. If you can’t finish them, take them home for excellent breakfast in the morning. photo credit: Jessie Clapp Cheesecake There are better cheesecakes in LA, but if you’re craving a classic, right-down-the-middle version after a long night of martinis and red meat, you won’t be disappointed." - Brant Cox
