"As kids, we had expectations about adulthood. We gathered data from TV, movies, and advertising like junior anthropologists. There would be checkered tablecloths and red vinyl booths, and big groups of good-looking friends, laughing and clinking martini glasses. Definitely burgers and fries. And it would be fun. Enough fun to make up for the indignities of homework, early bedtimes, and orthodontist appointments. Then we grew up, and that fantasy largely failed to materialize. Except at Bernie’s. This retro tavern on the border of Greenpoint and Williamsburg is like a TGI Fridays that the restaurant fairy turned into a real boy. You can eat a great meal here, off a kid-friendly menu of shrimp cocktail, mozzarella sticks, and a burger with pretty much perfect fries. But nostalgia is the daily special that keeps grownups coming back to play tic-tac-toe in crayon on the butcher paper covering every table. photo credit: Kate Previte Dining at Bernie’s is like being in the studio audience of a sitcom from a different era. The decor could have been hand-picked by a team of prop stylists: a clock in the shape of a martini, a bobblehead of George Costanza riding a whale, and a signed photo of Bernie from Weekend at Bernie’s. The NYC skyline, Twin Towers included, gleams in mirror form on the wall. Red, pebbled plastic tumblers that were once standard in every suburban pizza joint bubble with fountain soda, and the beer comes in mugs frosted by a glass-chilling machine. But most people drink dirty martinis, garnished by an inexhaustible armory of plastic sword picks, skewered with olives. photo credit: Kate Previte photo credit: Kate Previt photo credit: Kate Previte Bernie’s was a hit when it opened in 2018, and yet it’s never been harder to get a table. Social media (especially TikTok-famous servers Marty and Missy) has helped fuel the Bernaissance, and it’s like all that nostalgia has inspired nostalgia of its own. On weekends, if your party isn’t lined up half an hour before the restaurant opens, you’re in for an hours-long wait—possibly just for the bar. Though you can slink in solo on a weekday and be sipping a martini at the bar in under 15 minutes, Bernie’s is really best enjoyed with that big group of friends. There’s a lot of food you’ll want to share. And who else are you supposed to clink glasses with? Food Rundown photo credit: Kate Previte Mozzarella Sticks Mandatory. The approximate size and shape of candlepin bowling pins, these things come bursting with mozz, for the cheese pull of a lifetime. photo credit: Kate Previte Cheeseburger Deluxe The most obvious order at Bernie’s, though you shouldn’t let it distract you from how good the rest of the menu is. It’s textbook, with a sesame seed-encrusted bun and a fistful of wispy-thin shredded lettuce. Diners get no say in the temperature to which their two juicy patties are cooked, but we have yet to complain. Reserve every drop of the tangy special sauce on the side to dip all of your salty, skinny fries in. photo credit: Kate Previte Salads You’re going to want to eat your vegetables at Bernie’s. There are three salads on the menu, served in chintzy wood bowls, and all three are very good. The wedge has its staunch supporters, and we appreciate the pepperoncini and radicchio in the house salad. But the creamy, funky caesar—with a comical amount of parm, and yet plenty of brightness, too—is the one we order the most often. photo credit: Kate Previte Vinegar Chicken A Bernie’s classic and the foundation for a supremely comforting meal. Spice-rubbed chicken luxuriates in a sauce rich with dark brown sugar and sherry vinegar, alongside sweet roasted shallots and punchy pickled peppers. Pair it with griddled bread (seriously, don’t let any of that sauce go to waste) and the garlicky, lightly charred broccolini. photo credit: Kate Previte Chicken Parm Wonderful. This molten pool of browned and bubbly cheese makes us think of a tar pit, and understand why woolly mammoths would wander into them. Sunk below the surface, the breaded chicken remains improbably crisp. photo credit: Kate Previte Chicken Piccata The piccata edges out the competition for our favorite entree at Bernie’s. The same crunchy, juicy chicken is here submerged in an irresistibly buttery lemon sauce that is almost too tart and almost too sweet, but somehow sticks the landing. photo credit: Kate Previte Desserts The maraschino-topped brownie sundae—get it with mint chip—looks like it was swiped off the counter at an old-timey ice cream parlor. It’s worth ordering mostly because eating something this adorable is guaranteed to improve your mood. The lemon icebox pie, though, is even better—powerfully tart, but balanced by a mountain of whipped cream." - Molly Fitzpatrick
