Carbone Miami - Review - South Beach - Miami - The Infatuation

"In 2021, Carbone was an Italian supernova from New York with perpetually impossible reservations, rigatoni nearly as famous as its clientele, and an ungodly amount of hype that coincided with the TikTok-ification of restaurant culture. "Have you been to Carbone?" was right behind "Pfizer or Moderna?" as runner-up for question of the year. This is why we first ended up there at 11pm on a Tuesday, angrily stabbing at lukewarm veal before officially declaring the restaurant as not worth the hype. But that sheen of excitement has since faded, making it easier to see Carbone for what it is: a restaurant theme park for the social media generation. Olive Garden with an OnlyFans. And it finally seems to understand its role. photo credit: Douglas Friedman photo credit: Douglas Friedman Pause Unmute Like so many tourist attractions, Carbone is overpriced, needlessly difficult to book, and prioritizes appearance over everything else. But the performance—and that’s what Carbone is—has improved. Your “captain” now approaches the table with gusto, and holds charming conversation while placing impractically large croutons onto your $39 caesar salad. The staff has perfected the toothy corporate grin familiar to anyone who’s ever watched overheated cast members in Orlando fight through a horde of ornery toddlers. They wear vintage burgundy tuxedos and bounce around a velvety dining room that looks like the set of every mob movie with a Rotten Tomatoes score under 60%. The Italian-American dishes, nearly all of which have a little tableside pizazz, are part of the show too. They taste fine—still not great—but are hot and full of enough cheese to distract your taste buds. The free starters are an even more delightful touch in this era of inflation. It’s a more polished experience all around. video credit: Julia Malavé Getting a table (at least in the summer) is finally easier (but still not easy). Because the restaurant blocks off prime time tables for VIPs, walk-in influencers, and paying members, civilians are mostly regulated to pre-6pm or post-10pm slots. So dinner here tends to feel like arriving at a party while the host is still in their underwear, or getting there when everyone’s on the verge of passing out. If this sounds like too much trouble, the news (we won’t call it good) is that now you can go to Carbone without actually going to Carbone. Its impact crater of influence extends to Edgewater, Brickell, Fort Lauderdale, and any of the other dozen-plus Major Food Group restaurants (and a forthcoming residential tower) in South Florida. So many big-night-out restaurants these days are dressing like Dean Martin impersonators and decorating their dining rooms like antique shops on uppers—all in a hollow effort to reproduce what Carbone continues to cash in on. But Carbone is Disney World. And it's hard to compete with that. How to get into Carbone Carbone reservations have gotten slightly easier to find since it first opened—although mostly on weekdays at 5pm or 10pm. You may be able to find a slightly better table (especially during summer) if you check Resy 30 days in advance precisely at 10am. Don’t bet on being able to walk in. They'll probably turn you away and possibly be a little mean about it. Food Rundown The Free Stuff It's almost like Carbone is tempting you to spoil your appetite with the complimentary plates they drop on the table: cured meat, chunks of parmesan carved straight from a massive wheel, a basket of bread, and pickled cauliflower (that everyone generally ignores). You'll need the stomach space for later, so prioritize one piece of squishy tomato sauce bread, all the cheese, and exactly one cone of cured meat. photo credit: Kate Previte Assorted Baked Clams It’s easy to get way too full way too early thanks to all that free bread. So it’s smart to keep your starters light, and these hot clams make for a couple of good garlicky bites to warm your stomach up. photo credit: Kate Previte Caesar alla ZZ The long tableside preparation kind of upstages the salad itself, which is pretty forgettable with the exception of the biggest croutons you’ve ever seen in your life. PlayMute video credit: Julia Malavé Spicy Rigatoni Vodka This dish is such an unforced error. All they have to do is take the word “spicy” out of it and we’d call it a pretty good pasta. But the spice levels of this wouldn’t register to a baby ant. photo credit: Kate Previte Lasagna Verde The menu tells you to “please inquire” about this $125 Kermit-green lasagna. Your captain will inform you that it’s something the whole table needs to be down to share. It is, in fact, huge. Serving it is a two-person job (one server just stands there enthusiastically snipping strands of cheese with a tiny pair of scissors). It’s fun to watch, but the one-dimensional flavor of this cheese bomb doesn’t warrant the price. PlayMute video credit: Julia Malavé Veal Parmesan This is a Carbone classic and it should be on the table. The veal isn’t pounded as thin as we’d like, but it’s crispy and hot. photo credit: Photo Courtesy Carbone The Cake Tray Dessert is the best part of the meal—and that’s not just because you get to pick a cake from an impressive and (we recently learned) fake platter of options. They’re all great, although the coconut lime chiffon and cheesecake are our favorites. PlayMute video credit: Julia Malavé" - Ryan Pfeffer